Nicole Ari Parker on Marriage, Family and the Power of ‘Yes’

Whether she’s commanding the screen as charismatic “new girl” Lisa Todd Wexley in And Just Like That… or sharing a quiet moment with her husband, actor Boris Kodjoe, during this photo shoot, Nicole Ari Parker remains a study in grace and resolve. With a career that bridges film, television and the stage—from her breakout performance in Soul Food to an off-Broadway play last year—Ari Parker has carved out a legacy defined by authenticity, versatility and strength. Now entering a new chapter both professionally and personally, she sits down with us to reflect on “always being a 17-year-old-girl from Baltimore” and the evolving meaning of beauty when one fully comes into their own.

I think this is the first shoot we have had with a husband-wife team on set. It’s nice to see how supportive Boris is…he was looking at the shots and said we were going to have a hard time selecting which one was the best because you look so good in all of them.

“I hate this part of the business! I do not like taking photographs. I still have like a sixth-grade relationship with the camera…I’m not sure how to smile, and I swear I have a droopy eye. But I have to try to love my eye and go with it! It’s like a self-help moment.”

No, Boris is right: It really is going to be hard to make the selects. Now, you are part of this pop-culture phenomenon with the show, where is your head as it heads into the finale this month?

“I was just saying this the other day. I wasn’t prepared for what 20 years really means—it’s actually 20-plus years of Sex and the City being in people’s hearts. Then entering as one of the new girls on And Just Like That…, I wasn’t ready for the scrutiny, the love, the excitement, the criticism. It’s like being in the Colosseum! It’s been a wild ride and there is some navigating, but being a part of something so iconic has been quite the journey—a good journey.”

As you said, you also get the scrutiny. How does that feel?

“Oh, this is an audience who likes to go back and re-watch the loop and circle and connect the dots! There’s some fact-checking going on. They’ll go all the way back and find out that the T-shirt that Carrie was wearing was thrown in the trash—and they don’t like that! Why is she wearing it again?”

When you look back at your own career on the loop, how does it feel?

“I’m still the same person. It’s so weird. I’m a grown-up; I’m a mom, wife and business owner, but I’m still that 17-year-old girl who left Baltimore when I got into NYU early. I thought it was the greatest thing ever—it was a really big deal when I asked my dad if I could transfer to Tisch. And I still remember what he said: ‘You got to be strong, kid. There’s always going to be a big fat ‘no.’ I’ve told this story many times…he said: ‘You’re about to enter the business of no. If you want me to pay for this and support you in this, you got to promise me you’ll stick around for a ‘yes.’”

What would you tell that that teenager making the move to New York?

“The same thing I tell myself now: ‘You got this.’ I have to go into rooms and reveal something in order to work. It’s a very humbling and thrilling experience. I have to give something and leave something in the room. Then, with all the powers that be, going up the food chain, someone has to make a decision. It’s not always easy.

I would maybe encourage my younger self to write more, to create more of my own work or produce plays that I love. Who cares where it is, as long as I’m getting it out. If I need to play Yelena, go do it. I do stay in class, though—that is big for me. One of my professors from NYU, Tony Greco, he still teaches and I will still go. It starts in August. Wish me luck.”

Good luck. Your family is also, clearly, such a support for you. How do you go home at night and separate your professional life from your personal life?

“Anyone with kids will tell you this: Your kids just know their mom. They want me at basketball practice, or they want me to bake a cake, or I’m reading an email from school that a paper is due tomorrow that I had no idea about. It was—and is—a very real household. My kids are 18 and 20 now, but they’re here for the summer.”

On the whole beauty thing, I know you are into your product. What really works for you that you love?

“Being in my 50s now, I have to consider all these things, like hormones in terms of my skin care. I love the basics. I’m into ice cubes for puffiness. I put Aquaphor or Vaseline over my very expensive Chanel face mist and my fancy serum and my fancy neck cream, but I seal it all with Vaseline. I had to get my hormones checked recently because I had melasma out of nowhere. Any grown-ups reading this: Instead of just buying more stuff, go get a check and find out what is going on. Now, I’m taking vitamins from Cenegenics that have really helped fade it and improved everything. Your body, and your face, is constantly telling you what’s going on with the rest of you. I try to pay attention.”

And then when summer wraps, you have the finale and your birthday coming up.

“Yes! My birthday is coming up in two months. I’m sure Boris and I will do something really, really fun. We always do. We celebrated our 20th anniversary a few months ago. Two actors married for two decades. Maybe that’s a story for a Guinness Book of World Records feature!”