Jessie James Decker on Why Self-Care Isn’t Optional

Move over roses and chocolate—this Valentine’s season, Jessie James Decker is putting love—and migraines—front and center. The singer, entrepreneur and mom joined Love, Migraine & Mocktails last week in New York to discuss how migraines can affect romance, connection and everyday intimacy.

Through candid conversation and new survey insights, Decker opens up about living with migraines—and why empathy and communication matter more than ever—in conversation with NewBeauty.

Why is this partnership and message so important to you?

“I’m excited to partner with AbbVie on Love in Mind because this initiative speaks to something really personal in my life. I’ve lived with migraine for years, and I think there’s so much more to the conversation than just the physical symptoms. Migraine has impacted my relationships, my career and how I show up in my daily life—and I don’t think we talk about that enough.

The Love in Mind initiative is about sparking a conversation around the emotional impact of migraine, particularly within relationships. For me, that resonates deeply because there have been times I’ve had to miss out on important moments with my husband Eric and my kids, sometimes pushing through the pain because I didn’t want to miss those special memories. I want women living with migraine to know they’re not alone in this, and I want to empower them to have bold, honest conversations with their healthcare providers about how migraine is truly affecting their lives, as I did.”

You’ve built a career spanning music, fashion and business. At this point in your life, which creative outlet feels the most grounding for you?

“Each one fills a different part of my soul, so it’s hard to pick just one. Music and performing are my passions, but fashion and my other businesses fuel a different type of creative outlet.  

There’s something about creating something tangible that makes people’s lives better, whether that’s fashion they feel confident in, food they can share with their families or advocating for deeply personal health concerns…those ground me in purpose. It really comes back to family and the people I love.

My schedule can be daunting at times, which can leave me feeling stretched thin and with that comes potential migraine triggers. I’ve learned that I must listen to my body and take care of myself first so I can show up fully for my family.”

Your sound has also evolved over the years. How do you know when a song still feels authentic to who you are now?

“Authenticity is about honesty. When I’m working on a song, I ask myself whether it is true to what I’m experiencing right now. I can’t make my audience believe something if I don’t believe in it myself. And if something doesn’t feel true, I don’t do it. It’s that simple.

As I’ve gotten older, my sound has definitely matured, as has my life. I’m not the same person I was 10 years ago, and I don’t want to pretend to be. I’m a wife, a mom, a business owner dealing with real stuff, all while managing migraine and finding balance. So, when a song feels authentic, it’s because it’s honest about where I am in my life. That’s what my fans connect with; the real, messy, honest parts.”

Beauty and confidence go hand in hand. How has your relationship with beauty changed as you’ve gotten older?

“My relationship with beauty has evolved just like I have. When I was younger, I think I connected beauty to the idea of always needing to look and present perfect all the time. And don’t get me wrong, I still love fashion and getting dolled up! That’s what Kittenish is all about. But as I’ve gotten older, real beauty to me is more grounded in how you carry yourself, how you treat people and whether you’re taking care of yourself. 

Confidence comes from knowing who you are and not apologizing for it. It comes from saying ‘no’ when you need to, asking for help when you’re struggling with something and being honest instead of pretending everything’s perfect all the time. My migraine journey is a perfect example of that.

I think true beauty is a woman who knows her worth and takes care of herself, whether that’s getting proper rest, staying hydrated, or having hard conversations with her doctor about her health. When a woman shows up authentically for herself, she can show up for the people she loves a little easier.”

Do you have any beauty or self-care rituals that help you feel your best, especially on busy days? Any treatments or products you swear by?

“Absolutely. My self-care routine is really about prevention and management now, because of my migraine. I’m religious about getting proper rest and drinking tons of water—that’s non-negotiable. I’m intentional about my workouts and have modified how I exercise so I can feel my best. 

I also take my stress management seriously. Stress is one of my biggest migraine triggers, so I’m mindful about that. When I can feel tension building, I try to address it before it becomes a migraine.

In terms of actual treatments, my prescription migraine medication has been game-changing. But beyond that, I use ice packs during an attack, dark rooms and massage when I need it. I’m also very intentional about my skin-care routine—taking care of my skin is part of taking care of myself overall.

And honestly? The best ‘treatment’ I’ve found is communication. I talk openly with Eric about how I’m feeling, what my triggers are and what support I need. He’s learned to recognize when an attack is coming on, and he helps me create the environment I need to rest and recover. That support system is everything.”

When life feels overwhelming, what helps you reset and reconnect with yourself?

“When life feels overwhelming, I lean on what I know works for me. First, I listen to my body. If I’m feeling the pressure behind my eyes and sensitivity to light that signals an incoming migraine, I don’t push through. I rest. I’ve learned that resting doesn’t make me weak; it’s part of taking care of myself. That was a big shift in mindset for me.

I also rely heavily on Eric and my support system. When I need to step back, he steps up. When I need quiet and darkness, he makes that happen. That partnership helps me feel less alone in this.

And I’m honest with myself about my limits. I can’t always do everything, and that’s okay. Accepting that has actually been really freeing. It helps me prioritize what matters most—the moments with my family, the creative work that feeds my soul.”

Looking back on your journey, what moment taught you the most about trusting your own instincts?

“One of the biggest moments was finally listening to my gut about my migraine and getting professional help with it. For years, I was managing it on my own with over-the-counter medication and thinking, ‘this is just how life is.’ I was powering through because I didn’t want to miss out on special moments, but deep down, I knew something wasn’t right.

There was this one charity event that also stands out. I had a terrible migraine attack right before we were supposed to go. Every movement felt like my head was rattling. Eric looked at me and said, ‘Babe, we’re not going tonight.’ And in that moment, I realized I had to stop fighting this alone and get real help.

When I finally talked to my doctor about how migraine was actually impacting my life and my relationships, it was a relief to get a diagnosis for what I was experiencing. My doctor and I worked together to develop a management plan that included prescription medication, and everything changed. I went from three to four attacks a month to having much better control.

That moment taught me that trusting your instincts isn’t selfish, it’s actually the most loving thing you can do for yourself and the people around you. Because when I took care of myself and got the right support, I became better in all areas of my life.”

What advice would you give women who are trying to balance work, family and self-care without losing themselves?

“Here’s what I’ve learned so far: You cannot pour from an empty cup. Full stop. I know everyone says that, but it’s true. But here’s what I want every woman to hear: 

Self-care isn’t optional; it’s essential. Getting proper rest, staying hydrated, managing stress, moving your body in ways that feel good—these aren’t luxuries. They’re part of your health management.

Give yourself grace. You’re not going to be perfect at balancing everything all the time. Some days you’re going to have to rest instead of doing that workout. Some nights, you might need to skip the event because you aren’t feeling well or a migraine is coming on.

Advocate for yourself. Have a bold, honest conversation with your doctor about how you are feeling and how it  is impacting your life. Don’t minimize your symptoms. For example, if it is a migraine, don’t just accept ‘bad headaches’ as your reality. 

Lean on your support system. Eric has been incredible in helping me navigate this. If you have a partner, be honest with them about what you need. When you communicate, when you ask for help, when you let people in, that’s when real support happens.

Most importantly, keep your focus on the moments that matter most to you. My kids, my husband, my music—those are my priorities. Everything else gets filtered through that lens. When you’re clear on what matters, it becomes easier to say yes to that and no to things that drain you without filling your cup.

You’re doing better than you think. And if you’re struggling, please reach out to a healthcare provider. Getting help isn’t giving up—it’s taking control.”